So, I need to say at the very beginning that I realize that these short essays of mine are terribly inadequate in answering the vast questions I propose. The essays I write are meant to be a brief overview of some subjects with some conclusions that may or may not be supported properly within the essay. These short essays represent many discussions I have with friends and hours upon hours of reading and thinking. It is my hope that some of these thoughts may stir some curiosity on the subjects I am writing about and may lead to your own study and reading on the subjects. I also hope that those reading will consider the conclusions I come up with and that they will be spurred on to at least try to find God’s Plan, Purpose, and Destiny for their lives… as I obviously believe that God’s Will is able, at least at some level, to be grasped.

I just got done reading some more on the subject of “Existentialism” and it’s origins. I need to say from the beginning that I think Kierkegaard, Sartre, and even Nietzsche were brilliant thinkers (even though Nietzsche’s nickname was the “anti-Christ”). There are some real nuggets that I have gained examining their lives, writings and thoughts, but I find it dangerous to use any of the “good things” or quotes I glean from them because of the background rational that led them to those quotes. The more I study Existentialism, or what I like to call “choose your own adventure life” the more I see how the logical conclusion is despair. You can even see it in all three of the philosophers (or anti-philosophers) lives I mentioned above. And I see the same conclusion on what I call the other end of the “pendulum” of fatalism where everything is “pre-decided”. Let me try to explain.

With “Existentialism”, Sartre told us that “existence comes before essence”. What existentialist teach us is that we need to take responsibility for our own lives and actions (not a bad thought to a degree) and that there isn’t a “preordained” purpose, plan, destiny, or “fate” that is possible for humans to know or follow. They teach that we essentially need to create our own destiny. One of Kierkegaard’s best known quotes is “life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Good quote, but is it true? Are these good quotes truth? Is there a Greater Purpose, Plan or Destiny for us? Is it possible to know at least bits and pieces of that Greater Plan for our lives? Can we sift through some of these good quotes and lives in order to glean some truth and still be able to disregard the parts that are less than true?

One of the problems that I see as a “most-probable conclusion” to Existentialism is Nietzsche’s conclusion: “God is dead”. If God is no longer at least a contributing factor in the direction for our personal lives, the world around us, and ultimately history itself, we are left to be our own governing force, and there is no hope for outside help (or what existentialists call “objective truth”), than we are essentially left to our own demise. I believe that the Bible shows us that there is a certain amount of “free will” that God has granted each human to exercise, a free will that God in His sovereignty has granted us, but ultimately all things work towards for God’s Greater Plan and Purposes; they are worked together by God Himself. I believe that the Bible shows its readers this. We are God’s workmanship, created for good works in Christ that He has prepared for us in advance to do, He knows the plans He has for us, we can hear God’s voice like Abraham and so many others did in the Bible, and we can be directed towards that Greater Plan and Purpose that God has for us.

If these verses are not true, than to me, God is indeed dead or at least is as good as dead. If there is no Greater Purpose or Plan for individuals and mankind other than what we (flawed beings) make of it, than the result will inevitably be despair, the deep knowledge that we are lost in the dark, floating aimlessly. And when we die, it will be a welcome escape from this prison of existence. Unfortunately, this is the way I see many (both within and outside the Church) living their lives, doomed to “make something of themselves” with no hope of a higher calling or purpose than the one they are able to muster up or imagine for themselves. They are their own limitation.

But, I also see a similar “fate” for those at the other end of “pendulum”. What some call “fatalism” is the concept that all has been predetermined and predestined ahead of time. Though there is some reassurance to some that at least there is a “Master Plan” and a God directing everything, there seems to still be a sense of despair that sets in. Phrases like “well then, what’s the point in trying at all if everything is set in stone?” come from those who may feel stuck as a thespian destined only to act out a “play” they have no creative license in and perform “lines” they have no say in.

I feel that both Existentialism and Fatalism are man-made extremes that offer little to no hope to mankind. I think there are hints of truth in both but lack the humble recognition of “knowing in part” and the acknowledgement of the many “paradoxes” that make up faith. How can we have “free will” (a concept that Existentialism takes to extremes) and yet God still be “sovereign” (a concept that Fatalism takes to extremes)? Is it possible for a Holy (or “Other”) Being, we know as “God”, to make both true? Can God give mankind the free will to find His Will for our lives? I think the answers to those questions, gathered from my reading, discussions with people, personal life experience, travels around the world, 

I have had some experience with (and within) organizations, some good, some not so good. A question I have been asked several times over the years and pondering quite a bit lately is whether religious organizations (or what some who seem either bitter or who have grown cynical call “institutions”) are indeed evil. Another question within that train of thought that arises is whether it is possible for those within religious organizations to remain faithful to caring for individual people and yet also serve the best interest of that organization.

As my good friend Daniel Susenbach says, here seems to be a lot of “either/or mentality”. I agree with him that an “either/or mentality”, at least in this case, is error. My opinion and hope, is that it is possible for a religious organization to simultaneously stay faithful to Jesus’ mission, care for the people within the organization, care for people outside the organization and still function well as an organized group of people. After all, organizations are made up of people and religious organizations should be made up of godly people.

The problem I have run into over and over in the 14+ years of my involvement vocationally within religious organizations (often even while I have been in leadership within those organizations) is what I call the “the greater good mentality”. This mentality is one that seems to say that “we need to defend the organization and it’s reputation at all costs”. This mentality ends up sacrificing people by reducing them to “liabilities” or “assets”, using them to build the organization and when they finally seem to have lost their “usefulness”, they are disposed of or “graciously asked to step aside” for the “greater good”. Those leading the “greater good cult” seem to think that “the end justifies the means” and that “sure, a few may feel or even actually be hurt in the process of building the organization, but the long-term benefit’s will outweigh the shady process in which we arrived”.

This kind of thinking may be “normal” in corporate models, business’ or even governments (again, I said “normal” not “right”), but when I read my Bible and spend time with God, this is not the kind of thinking or practice I think Jesus intends for His “Kingdom”. I think that we can glean concepts from corporate models, but we need to first put everything through the “Kingdom filter”, as I like to call it. When I read the Gospels and hear Paul’s instructions in his Epistles, I don’t gather that God is okay with sacrificing people, wounded or healthy, in order to keep His Church “clean and tidy” or clear from any chance of “bad reputation”. The only “sacrifice” I see that has any merit for saving God’s Church, is Jesus’ sacrifice for His Church, the Complete and Final Sacrifice.

So again I ask the two questions: 1.) are religious organizations evil, and 2.) if not, is it possible to stay true to Kingdom of God priorities and still serve the best interests of the organizations? I think that to begin to answer these two difficult questions we need to start by going to the Bible for some clues, clues that may be found by what the Bible says and does not say about what the Church is supposed to look and be like.

There is a ton of books currently coming out about how the present day western Church has gotten it all wrong and it’s time we “reclaim the true structure that Jesus intended”. Though there are some points within those books that I really do personally agree with, the problem as I see it with many of their conclusions is that Jesus said so little about what the Church was supposed to look like. It seems that Jesus was more concerned about what the Church was supposed to be like. And Paul’s instructions in his Epistles are very contexualized letters addressing specific issue and concerns he had about specific situations, people and wrong teachings within their gatherings. When Paul gives instruction about order, what to teaching or on the subject of spiritual gifts, he is addressing particular situations within particular gatherings of people. So, other than to gather general principles or truth that we can apply to life and how we “do Church”, both the Gospels and Epistles really don’t speak in favor or against the way many within the western culture “do Church”.

So, since there is little evidence for what Church is to look like, let’s go back to what Jesus intended His Church to be like. This is a rich study that is jammed pack with metaphors, parables, instructions, teachings, commands and the like. One of Jesus’ most common teachings was on the “Kingdom of God” (or “Kingdom of heaven”) and how it was coming and then arrived and is here now. And it seems that in this new Kingdom, things are different than the one of the world all around us. In this new and present Kingdom people matter, the outcasts are the greatest within the Kingdom, the weak and poor and unwise are the esteemed, and there is no “lording over each other” because we all have one Lord and Master, Jesus. The values of this Kingdom and it’s citizens are in sharp contrast to the values of the surrounding culture and those not yet citizens of this new and exciting Kingdom. It seems that we (those within the God’s Kingdom) do things differently because we are different.

So in conclusion, back to my original questions: what about religious organizations and caring for individuals? My opinion after study, conversations, time with God and years of experience within religious organizations is that there is hope for religious organizations that stay true to the heart of Jesus and the truth of the Gospel, that remember to value people more than structure, that keep in step with the Spirit of God, and that keep a humble awareness that all an organization really is, and is composed of, are people, those valuable to Jesus. Organizations should just be a larger group of people who have decided to organize in order to follow a common vision or objective.

In my opinion, when a religious organization starts operating in such a way that is contrary to heart and values of Jesus, or has to make compromising decisions in order to protect that organization, or the leaders start hearing words like “for the greater good”, “assets”, “liabilities” fall from their own very lips… the organization has lost it’s way and is in danger of turning from flesh and blood into cold machinery. That may be when it’s time to re-evaluate the priorities of that organization, to not “conform to the patterns of this world, or “call it quits” in order to find the Kingdom and heart of God once again.

July 15, 2008 (1:30am)

I remember many years ago reading the Christian classic “Hinds Feet On High Places” (by Hannah Hurnard). It is the allegorical tale of a young girl named ‘Much Afraid’ who leaves her native land in order to follow the ‘Shepherd’ to the ‘High Places’. During her journey she is faced with many trials and hardships, and is tempted over and over again to abandon her journey. There are moments where the Shepherd seems no where to be found though he promised to never leave her, and there are other moments where it seems that he has led her on a wild goose chase around and around the same mountain only to lead her into a dry and lonely wilderness.

It was during one of those “desert times” where Much Afraid looks down in the midst of her despair and notices a single little flower. She asks the flower what its name is, since flowers can talk in allegorical tales, and the flower replies “acceptance with joy”. She then picks the flower and adds it to the other collected items/lessons she has gathered along the way.

Why does Maturity often involve so much crushing? I do not know, but it seems that when I read the Bible it is a common theme. I think of the “saints of old”, the godly kings, prophets, judges, priests, and heroes in the Old Testament, and the disciples/apostles in the New Testament. Then, of course, there is Jesus; a Man acquainted with grief, crushed, bruised and tortured to death. I often wonder if crushing somehow has some greater purpose for those who vow to follow the Good Shepherd.

I wonder if it is like what happens to grapes as they are crushed to release their juices for delicious wine. (My only hope is that wine is made and not just raisins left.) Or if there is some sort of aroma released from our times of crushing that only God can smell that is like when one crumbles dried flowers to release their hidden fragrance. I am reminded of when in the Gospels, the woman comes into the place where Jesus and his disciples are at to break the alabaster jar of fragrant oil-perfume to anoint Jesus’ head and feet and to wipe his feet with her tears.

Then there is the point of trust. It is a hard lesson to trust an invisible God, one I am still trying to grasp and may take the rest of my life to learn. It is easy to think or claim that you trust God, but then there often comes the rude awakening that your ‘trust’ in him is really not in him at all. For me, it is easy to slowly drift away from trusting God and start to trust the blessings and gifts God has given me, rather than God himself. God may give me the gift of vision, or the ability to come up with incredible plans and strategy, or he may give me the natural ability to work hard and achieve great things. But in the end, if I don’t trust God, and start to trust even the many blessing and gifts he has given me, it is still idolatry: putting my hope  and trust in something or someone other than God himself.

Maturity makes you take long, honest and often overwhelming looks at yourself. These times in front of the ‘mirror’ can be agonizing as God shows you new depths of your true self. It is like when Bennan Manning says, “there can be no healing without acknowledgement”. So, we allow God to peel back layer after layer of our heart, and God puts us through fire after fire, and we wait dark night after dark night in silence, and God lead us through desert after desert, and we are taught lesson after lesson, and are allowed crushing after crushing… with only the hope of a promise to encourage us. The promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and that he who began a good work in us will complete it. We hope that all this building of Maturity within in us is for someone and something, some sort of destiny He has prepared for us and is preparing within us.

I have seen many default to this frame of thinking and perhaps unknowingly retreat to this philosophy due primarily to the fact that it can be exhausting and painful trying to sift through all the desires and longings of our heart (or at least our minds) to find our purpose. I have even heard well meaning elders or those who have been given spiritual authority in our lives advise those of us wrestling (in what seems like agonizing sometimes) over issues of direction, our calling and destiny to “just choose something… and ask God to bless it.” And though there are times where God will call us to “choose” a direction to go, I think that it is most often because God knows that we have delighted ourselves in Him and He has given us the desires in our hearts (Ps 37:4). Therefore He can trust us to pursue our heart’s desires because He has placed those desire within us.

 It is important that we don’t just follow whatever “seems” right and acceptable in our eyes (since our perception and perspective is often warped by “lenses” like culture, our nature, nurture, etc.) Romans 12:2 instructs us “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

With all of this said, I find that there is often a rhythm or flow that God has used in my life, that I see in those I have relationship with and see throughout the scriptures for finding God’s plans for us. I believe that God wants us to seek Him with all of our hearts and then He promises that He will be found (Jer. 29:13). This of course, is all due to the fact that God places the faith and desire within us to desire Him at all. This is not something that we can conjure up on our own. Faith is a gift from God. 

Then I think God starts to build a beautiful love-relationship between Himself and us, within us. I call this “Intimacy” or theologically: “The general will of God”. This is a season in our lives directly after our conversion, where God builds a love for Himself into our innermost being. We fall in love with Jesus. We get to know God and about God and passion for Him is born. We start wanting to be with Jesus often and start to realize that He is with us all the time… we start to practice His presence. Our “prayer life” blossoms and we can’t seem to get enough time to read from His Word. The Intimacy stage is a foundation for the rest of our life with God. We start to pray deep heart-level prayers like “Jesus, I love you and want to do anything you want me to do.”

Shortly after, God starts to speak back to us. It isn’t normally audible, though it could be, it is more of a “knowing” and the Word becomes illuminated during our quiet times with the Lord, The Bible no longer just seems to be about God, but it seems like God is try to tell us, specifically, something. We start to realize that we are “saved for SomeONE” and for “something”. “Maturity” or “the specific will of God” is starting to be born within us. God has things for us to co-mission with Him to do (Eph. 2:10, Jer. 29:11). Our heart is so full of Intimacy for God, that we start to care about the same things He cares about. Then, one day, we are walking through the produce department in the local grocery store and hear the whisper of God’s Spirit tell us through our heart to go and pray for that person who has a cold and is sneezing all over the carrots. And, because we are so desperately in love with God and that love outweighs our insecurity or even rational hesitation, we DO IT! We pray for someone we don’t even know in the produce department of our local grocery market before all those carrots and the strangers shopping that day.

The road of Maturity is long and hard. It is full of fire and quiet-times and dark voids and often even doubt, but God is there. We continue to walk through those seasons over the hill-tops and through the valleys, the good times and hard times, through new levels of Intimacy and Maturity till one day we look down and realize that we are in the middle of our “Destiny”. We have sought the Lord with our whole hearts, as much as God’s grace has allowed, and walked in the gifts and talents that God has given us (1Cor. 12, Romans 12) and realize that God not only has saved us for SomeONE, and something, but God has destined us to BE someone.  We go from Eph. 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” to Eph. 4:11 “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers…”.

God has a “Destiny” or a “secret will” for our lives. And it is bigger than us, it is part of God’s story for mankind, it is part of the context of the place we are born and the time in history we are born. God’s destiny is ultimately for His glory and for edifying, building up, unifying and maturing the Body of Christ. God wants us to DO stuff, but He also has something for us to BE… a calling, a purpose, and Destiny!

The question is whether we believe in and want this Destiny God has for us. Are we willing to wrestle with God like Jacob through the pain to receive the best He has for us. Will be settle for the good, or do we want what is God’s best for us? Will be choose our own adventure and ask God to “bless” our plans… or will we walk through seasons of Intimacy and the often agonizing roads of Maturity to find God’s Destiny for our lives?

I find myself constantly baffled by some of the thoughts that flow from that I-read-10-books-a-week mind that resides in the cranium of Jeremy Sizemore. And Frankly, I think he can expand his current sphere of influence with a place a click away from billions of people. So, Jeremy.. get on board. Look, I even set it all up for you so you have no excuse not to